Pubic Enemy..

I'm enjoying doing the phone chat but it is pretty hard sometimes. It's okay when all they want you to do is breathe down the phone. I can do that because breathing is something I'd be doing anyway. But it's the pretending that sometimes gets a bit difficult. I'm a very honest person and so when they ask me questions like 'what are you wearing' sometimes it throws me off guard and I actually tell them! The other day it was giant pants from Asda, a pair of wellies and a t-shirt I got cheap from the market due to a printing error. It was meant to be a Public Enemy t-shirt but the trainee forgot to put the 'l' on it. Kev said pubic enemy would be a good name for hair removal cream. That was one of the funniest things Kev ever said. Actually I think it was the only funny thing he ever said.

My honesty gets me into trouble sometimes. It did with Kev, like the time he asked me what I liked best about his body and I told him it was the fact that he was so fat he made me look dead slim when I was next to him. Now he's going out with fat Carol who is just as round as him! I imagine him and Carol running at each other and bouncing off like those people wearing inflatable sumo suits. I bet they are like two walruses mating. I saw them the other day coming out of the bakery. Carol was wearing leggings which was a huge mistake as she had the worst camel toe ever. It was more like a whole camel foot! It put images in my mind I don't want to even think about! I mean Kev isn't the biggest man ever. Well he is. But he has a tiny cock. It would be like a small canoe going up the suez canal. Sometimes when we were in bed instead of thinking about shopping or cakes I'd come up with names for his small cock. I had 'petit peni' 'tiny todger' 'mini member' 'weenie wiener' and 'diddy dick'. Luckily he stopped asking me what I was thinking since the time  I told him I was thinking about Sid from the butchers and half a pound of best sausage. Well, he did ask! I'm just way too honest for my own good.

Oh shit, look at the time. I need to go to sleep. I have someone from the council coming round in the morning and I need to rearrange the spare room to make it look as if Gran is still alive. Bloody bedroom tax! Luckily it's pension day tomorrow so at least I can go to the pub later!