I did it! I’m an author! My book ‘Sexciting Adventures’ has
been in the Amazon list of ‘Sex books written by indepent and unpublished
people’ for three weeks! I’ve been all
around the country giving talks and meeting fans. I’ve been to Sunderland, Merthyr Tydfil,
Hull, Bolton and Trowbridge and sold books in at least three of these
places. Here is the bit from my poster:
‘Amelia Pepper talks sex, rugs and cock’n rolls’
My agent Len thought it was good. The cock’n roll bit was
referring to the time I mistook Kev’s cock for a sausage, put it in a roll with
mustard and was just about to take a bit when I realised. Kev thought it was some sexy picnic foreplay,
but I was just having a snack. Obviously
the rug bit pertains (posh word innit!) to my minge.
Len is trying to get me to do more attention grabbing
things. He leaked it to the press that I got felt up by one of the cast of
Hollyoaks behind a pub in Bootle but no one seemed to be particularly
interested, mind you, Chris and Gwyneth had just split up so the papers were
full of that.
I do have another celeb
story though which he is going to release soon. Basically I was at a celebrity
party (At least two people from Corrie were there) and I excused myself from a
group conversation saying I needed to go and have a crap. There I was, sitting
there, knickers round my ankles when one of the band members of Five barged in.
Apparently he thought I was giving him signals to meet me in the toilets in
three minutes time for a bit of porking. I don’t know who was more surprised. To be honest, it was a good thing he was there
as he was able to pass me some bog roll from another cubicle. The one I was in
had run out and I was on the verge of having to use my knickers to wipe. It’s a bit of a faff doing that as they take
ages to dry under the hand dryer. Sometimes I end up putting them back on
slighty damp, and then if any bloke tries to cop a feel they think I like them
a bit more than I do! It’s got me into some awkward situations.
Anyway, I’m working on ‘Sexcellent Times’ now which is book
two. Len is also trying to get me my own
column in a womans mag. He thinks I’d be suited to Cosmopolitan, but so far
only ‘Take a Break’ have been interested.
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