Spaniels

My book is coming along pretty good I think. Margaret who owns the bookshop in town says she'll stock ten copies once it's done. She's dyslexic I don't know if she can even actually read, to be honest. She inherited the shop from her dead husband and just spends the time sat on the counter doing her nails. She got raided a while back because a load of jihadists were stocking books in the business section. She got a fine but wasn't send to prison or owt. She thought they'd said profit.

I am quite artistic but even I'm having trouble with the drawings of the positions. It took me a few hours the other night to draw a penis that didn't look like a spaniels face with droopy ears. I think I'm getting better at it though. I might set up a website soon too. I'm seeing Oswald tonight but it's getting a bit boring to be honest, it's okay, but he's a bit vain and his beauty products take up way too much space in the bathroom when he stays over.Also, when we have sex he spends way too much time looking at himself in the mirror and practicing his orgasm face.  The other night he'd forgotten his baby oil and had a bit of a hissy fit. I told him he could use one of my solid massage bars from lush but forgotten I'd used it to free Kev when he got his head stuck between the bars of my bed. I had to spray a small piece of lard with some deodorant in the end. I do like watching him do his stripping/dance show down the local pub though and I like that the other girls are jealous. But I get a bit annoyed when he rubs his crotch in OAPs faces, even if they do enjoy it and give him money. He got a bit too close the other day and Mr Perkins false teeth fell out.

Book!

Well, I can tell you that I'm now over Kev. Not that I was ever under him much. It was a bit like having an elephant as a duvet! After several cracked ribs I had to demand we found new positions. Which has been a blessing in disguise, as I am now working on my book on how to do sex! It's called 'Sexciting Adventures' and has positions such as 'tossing the caber' and 'toad in the hole'. All of which I have thought of myself! 

I haven't seen Kev much lately. I went round a few days ago to get the bottle of lube I'd left round there as Oswald the stripper was coming round that night. He didn't answer the door, and as I knew where he keeps his spare key I thought I'd just go in and grab it only to find him and porky Carol from number 33 rolling around on a black PVC sheet on top of a load of profiteroles! 

Things are going great with Oswald though, he's VERY well endowed. More so than Kev, who I had to stop having naked picnics with since a very unfortunate incident where I thought there was a cocktail sausage in with the scotch eggs, it was covered in mustard and half in my mouth before I realised. 

My book is almost finished, it's taken me ages to do all the drawings for it but luckily I have some photos of Kev on my computer that I can include in the chapter 'Fun with doughnuts'