Anyway, I'm feeling pretty miserable. Finding it really difficult to breathe and walking anywhere is impossible, I've had to order an online shop from Asda to get me fags. There was no way I was going to ration the ones I did have at just 25 a day.
I rang my friend Melanie to come and visit, but she's hanging round the jobcentre this afternoon trying to get onto one of them telly shows about people on benefits. She's thinking that if she can get on one of them she can get her own show or something. Either that or one of the kids can be the next Honey Boo Boo. She's not sure which of her kids would be the best on telly, I'd say it was a choice between Scowt or McKenzer, whilst she reckons it's either Gok-Wan or Nevaeh.
As ill as I am I'm actually pretty excited about my new column for You Da Woman! magazine. I will be doing the sex and love column and giving advice and tips and all that sort of thing. I think it will be great! All the letters will be printed as anonymous so that people don't feel embarrassed to write to me. We're really keen to ensure that, so people know that they can ask what they like and nothing comes back to them. It's all done in the strictest confidence.
So far I've answered this: (still in progress) (Tom from the greengrocers helped me a bit too, he enjoys reading them all)
Dear Kelly Shepherd, Dundonald Road, Harlow,
If he's the one in the 'Grans 80th Birthday' album on your Facebook page, then he's well ugly. And if he really does think that a 69 is an ice cream without a flake then you need to get rid. He might have a good personality but no one can tell that if you're just walking down the street with him. Unless you wear a t-shirt saying 'he's a nice bloke, even if he looks rubbish' I'm all for going out with people because of their personality but they need to have a bit more going for them. I spent ages with Kev but that was because he was pretty adventurous in bed and had a discount card for Nandos....
Anyway, it's not finished yet. I'll try and finish it later. I have to go to the doctors in a minute. I haven't been since I thought I had rectal cancer and it turned out to be a boiled sweet stuck up there. I wouldn't have been as worried, but it was a bright green lime one.
